Is it because I queefed?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
