Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
