I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
