i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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