I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
