God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
