Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
