My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
