you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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