Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize