"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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