its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
