I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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