omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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