I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
