so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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