I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
