she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
