he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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