I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
