apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
