I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
