you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Never underestimate the power of titties
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize