I'm going to jail i love you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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