Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh god it's open bar.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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