I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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