Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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