Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
