The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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