i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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