I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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