I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
