You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
