You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
