i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
sex in a hospital.. check
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
