i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
