Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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