so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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