so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
