trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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