the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
