But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
