My girlfriend figured out who you are.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
