I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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