be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
