thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
