i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You can't just leave with hair like that
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
