Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
