Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
