Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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