The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize