My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
