Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
