Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
