its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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