She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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