this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
