Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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