My liver just broke up with me...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
