I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
