Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
