Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
